Seasons and Sequencing

So I finally talked Rob into it.  I am not going back to work.  I just couldn't leave my little guy with a hug an a bottle for 8 hours while I went away and was not able to tell him where I was or when I would be back.  I know this sounds mushy, or like a waste of an education, but I think it's actually best for all of us.  For me, it lets me raise my child.  I model the behavior I want,  I make sure he is safe.  For him. it means he feels complete.  At his age, he doesn't actually know that I am a separate person.  When I leave, he is confused and angry.  And for Rob, it means I quit waking him up at 3 AM worrying about working, and there is a better than average chance that the laundry will get done without him.

Yes, there will be some challenges.  We have cut back anything that could be construed as an optional expense (including cell-phones with real plans), and are trying to rent out a room in our house.  Rob teaches afterschool and has signed on to do some gigs as a violinist.  We probably won't be eating out much.  However, we both feel that it is worth it, and are willing for that reason to make it work.

Despite the frequent accolades from my friends who have kids, there are still people (like my boss) who don't see a reason for staying home (she said my kids will need me more later), or who (like my other boss) ask "what do you do all day?"  Apparently if I watch your kid it's a job, whereas if I watch my kid it's an opt out of reality.

So, I wanted to give a momentary explanation for my paid-work hiatus.  There is some sort of ...guilt?...tension?.. that comes with deciding to stay home for a bit to raise the child you brought into this world.  It's a sense that you are burdening your spouse with the stress of being the breadwinner combined with the thought that you are wasting your education and somehow disappointing the women's lib. movement.  I had to look into this, and I was given a book about taking time off to raise children.  According to Arlene Cardozo, I am sequencing.  It's her word.  I think I would call it recognizing the seasons of life.  The subtitle is "Having it all, just not all at once."  She interviewed hundreds of women who took time off from work when their kids were young.  They didn't start out that way (nor did I - I did get my education (I have a master's degree), I worked in my field (at last count I had 6 years of experience, a specialists position, and a staff of 6).  They started out working, had kids, and later returned to the workforce in some capacity.  It was nice to know that other people have made the decision, even though it is financially difficult.  However, because the first 3 years of life are critical to developing trust, cognitive abilities, and an ability to bond, I figured it was now or never.  Besides, I have never heard anyone ever say "boy, I wish I spent less time with my kids when they were little."  And, for those of you who are wondering if anyone ever gets back prestige and career they left, Sandra Day O'Conner sequenced when her kids were little, and she still made history :)